tooting_bec's Xanga

A Rock and a Hard Place

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 16:44:25 GMT

While waiting at a red light one afternoon a group of shirtless male joggers ran past. I only gave them marginal attention because 1. to do anything else would have been inappropriate and 2. I was driving after all. Keep your eyes on the road, anyone?

Anyway, the light turned green and the car ahead of me sat there. And sat there. She was clearly keeping her eyes on the runners, not the road. I started to give a friendly little honk to bring her back to reality but then I realized my situation. If I honked, everyone around me would most likely assume I was honking at the runners (embarrassing). If I didn't honk, I could very well find myself sitting through another red light (annoying). What could I do? Fortunately for me the drooling driver ahead of me finally put the pedal down--probably so she could chase the runners.

Best Original Screenplay

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 17:12:47 GMT

A couple of weeks ago I went with some friends to see The International. Clive Owen starred so we didn't think we could go wrong and we didn't: he rocked, the movie sucked. However, for all of 45 seconds the Calvini brothers were onscreen and we overwhelmingly agreed that they should have had a much, much bigger part. Well-dressed, wealthy, powerful Italian men. What's not to love?

Below is a synopsis of our collaborative effort on a re-write of The International. If it is not Oscar-worthy, I don't know what is.

Salinger and Whitman are quicker to connect the dots, bringing them to Italy within the first 3 minutes of the film. Umberto Calvini is immediately assassinated. Cut to Enzo and Mario Calvini, angry and vengeful. Movie continues but with perpetual inset of the Calvini brothers, drinking Chianti, smoking, and plotting revenge. In Armani suits. Movie ends nearly like current version but with Clive Owen's character, Louis Salinger, forming a partnership with Enzo and Mario for The International 2: Rise of the Calvini Brothers.

Does that sound good? Would you watch it? I would watch it.

Take that!

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 15:04:27 GMT

On the radio a listener relayed something she overheard on Valentine's Day. I just have to post it here.

At Wal-Mart there was a noisy teenaged girl and her pack behind a man buying flowers. One of the girls said in a voice meant to carry, "What kind of man buys three ******* roses from Wal-Mart for a woman on Valentine's Day?"

The man turned around and said, "The kind of man who has three daughters. The kind of man who gives each of his daughters a single red rose on Valentine's Day. The kind of man whose wife is dead. The kind of man whose wife always gave each daughter a single red rose on Valentine's Day. The kind of man who has made certain that his daughters have received a red rose from their mother on Valentine's Day every year. Now what do you think of my three ******* roses from Wal-Mart?"

The looks on those girls' faces must have been priceless.

Strange Dreams

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 18:42:03 GMT

Most of my strange dreams leave me uneasy or unhappy when I wake up. Last night I had a strange dream and today I am just bemused.

Naturally, I don't remember how it all got started but the dream really solidified as I was walking in from the side door of the sanctuary to get married (not down the aisle). It was at my home church with the old carpet from when I was a kid. The groom was wearing a tuxedo but that's all I could pick up and we started chatting companionably as we walked to the center. Suddenly, I remembered that I hadn't been at the rehearsal, hadn't actually planned the wedding myself, and had no idea what I was supposed to be doing or what was going to happen. Luckily, the groom had been at the rehearsal and told me to do whatever he did. Good thing he knew what was going on because whoever planned this wedding was going all out and was not overly interested in any traditions I am aware of.

We knelt on the prayer bench which was sideways, facing neither the congregation nor the altar. Next, a choir filed in and sat down. By now I was realizing that my dress was a couple of things. 1. At least 6 sizes too big and 2. Totally 80s. It had massive, poofy lamb chop sleeves that were so heavy I was struggling to keep them from falling off my shoulders, leaving me a little more exposed than I wanted to be. Additionally, since I did not know what my dress looked like, I had not worn undergarments appropriate for a dress as open-backed as this one was. Meanwhile, someone whipped up some tortillas full of bananas, maple syrup, and maybe some nuts. Yes, I've never heard of that, either, and hadn't in the dream. But the groom and I were supposed to eat those. He finally stood up, leaned against the piano and munched away but I was struggling with my sleeves and couldn't stand up so I stayed where I was. Apparently, everyone got tired of waiting for me to finish because they just moved on to the next part of the ceremony--a term which I am using quite loosely.

The choir began their number and suddenly it was like a musical! People in white dresses and choir robes were singing and dancing all around me! It was marvelous! I grinned around my banana tortilla. The audience seemed to like it, too, and I was really impressed with whoever the wedding planner was, absurd dress notwithstanding. Next, a group of girls from my dormitory in college came down the aisle in pink and blue dresses singing a song I knew in the dream but not now that I'm awake. I finally finished my banana tortilla and when my friends got to the front, the show was over and we all chatted for awhile. After that, things got really hectic and I was rushing in and out of the church and a convenience store looking for someone. Every time I went into the convenience store, everyone would shout, "Look! She's in a wedding dress!" and I would get embarrassed that I was in a convenience store on my wedding day. And that was it.

Any Josephs in the audience?

Just for fun

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 01:32:54 GMT

I think you will find these funny, regardless of your sports preferences (or lack of). On another blog, there was a recent debate about whether videos counted as new posts. I didn't say at the time but I guess this is my answer, ha.

Anyway, let me know if I am woefully wrong and you find them boring or stupid. I am curious and not easily offended. This is the sort of post that happens when I wait for photos to upload. The fruits of my browsing.

This pokes fun at some players' accents:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iwcUeFkFEI

Chelsea players put on the spot, haha, some of them get so flustered:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGk-x4kt47w

This is why I love soccer. One minute it's called The Beautiful Game and the next, well ....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt4X7zFfv4k

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNTQZCm07LI

And a little politics ... sort of:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HplZ_taHXLM

Gift or Payment?

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 14:59:23 GMT

When I donated blood yesterday the receptionist cheerily informed me that this pint would make a gallon so I would get a "gift". At first I was excited about the gift but as they checked my iron and blood pressure I began to think. I went in to donate blood and I don't expect anything in return. Well, I do appreciate the cookies and juice but that's just a way to keep donors from jumping up out of the chair, heading outside and subsequently passing out on the sidewalk, I suppose. Anyway, it's a very nice gesture to give donors gifts at every gallon but how much money would they save if they just stuck with a sincere "thank you" after tugging out the needle? When they handed me my gift it felt like I was being paid. I don't want to exaggerate here; I took the gift and I'm not plagued with self-loathing or anything but I can't quite shake the feeling that I was selling my blood, not donating it.

At a fundraiser I worked for my second job, a faith-based organization hosted an elaborate dinner with entertainment...and a nice little gift for each attendee. Obviously, the attendees had to pay a hefty sum to attend and I won't get into the appropriateness of hosting such fundraising dinners and how much money is used to pay for it and how much is actually kept for the organization, but my point is the gift. Those attendees willingly paid the money knowing it was for a cause they championed (and my paycheck and the venue's...). Did they really need or want the "gift", to which another portion of their donation probably went?

Similarly, a few people I have supported for mission trips recently have either returned with a pretty souvenir (from a long-term mission) or included a little trinket with the thank-you note (from a short-term mission). I am always delighted but then quickly feel guilty. Do these missionaries feel like I need to be rewarded for giving to God? Keeping me updated and/or meeting with me after to show pictures would be more than sufficient. Is it a good thing to do this because it expresses gratitude that the supporter is partnering with them to forward God's Kingdom? Or should I feel cheated of a blessing? Sort of like, "Yeah, I'll write you a check if you bring me something nice." I'm just as grateful for their willingness to go but I'm not buying them anything because we're partners. Equals.

I should note that I do not think these missionaries feel that supporters have to be recognized in such a way. More likely, they have been made to feel indebted to supporters or something like that, which is unfortunate. Also, I'm not referring to those who bring gifts back to friends and family who also happened to be supporters. That is a little different. Still unnecessary, but it's what friends and family sometimes do.

What do you think? Should donors, supporters, and such be compensated? How can one tell the difference between an "I like you and wanted to bring you something" gift and an "I feel like I need to give you something more than a thank-you note" gift?

I wonder if I'm trying to split my personality.

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 04:11:30 GMT

Too many--okay--all of my posts are pretty shallow and a lot of them are just ridiculous. I know this and don't particularly care. As I've said before, I'm a taker because I come to xanga and other sites to read and leave comments but have no intention of being thoughtful and serious on my own site. Why, then, do I even update? Why not just keep the site open so I can leave comments at other places? I always thought it must be because deep down I wanted people comment on my trivial mutterings. Well, that might be a little bit true but I think I update because at work I'm very serious. I don't joke around much and am even boring. So, my posts on xanga and comments on other sites are me channeling the other me, who is mostly thoughtless and silly. Is that good or bad? Maybe I'm trying too hard to separate the serious me from the silly me. Maybe if I cracked a joke more often at work people would actually get that I'm joking and then I wouldn't need to update with weird random stories because I could *gasp* tell them at work, complete with inflection and facial expressions.

Have I heard of the Dead Sea? Wha-?

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 23:43:15 GMT

In the mall there are permanent booths set up where various products are hawked to passers-by. I was shopping the other day and one of the guys at the booth that sells Dead Sea products stepped in front of me because he thought I looked like a sucker. I totally am but I'd already bought some stuff from them three years ago and didn't intend to buy more. Nevertheless, he was tall, lithe, and I liked his accent so I paused.

Guy at Booth: “Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “All right.”

GAB: “Have you heard of the Dead Sea?”

Me: (Thinks about what a stupid question that is.) “Yes, but I already have some of that stuff.”

GAB: “Which one?”

Me: (Vaguely) “The hand one.”

GAB: “You mean the nail one?”

Me: “Yes.”

GAB: “Do you use it?”

Me: (Pauses, considers implications of answer) “Yes.”

GAB: “Can I look at your nails?”

Me: (Remembers that nails are not filed and have bits of stubborn red nail polish by some of the cuticles. Edge of fear enters voice, raising it to decibel not appropriate for the mall). “No! I don’t use it!” (Runs away).

My friend pretty much summed it up in her comment afterwards. "Smooooooottthhh."

This is a bit overdue.

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 00:17:39 GMT

In September, I went to California for my cousin's wedding. It was extremely exciting for me for all sorts of reasons.

1. My cousin was getting married. What can I say about that? I like going to weddings even if I barely know the couple so the fun level is significantly revved up when it's a good friend or family member. The wedding broke a barrier for me--it was my first outdoor reception! The view was spectacular with mountains as a backdrop for the head table. The day was gorgeous as were the decorations (green featured prominently--how could it not be superb?) And let me take a moment to commend my cousin, M, on the favors.

M, if you're reading this, those chocolatey pretzel sticks were ridiculously good. I can't imagine how long it took to make them all, too.

M made a beautiful bride and was incredibly calm and relaxed all day. I'm pretty sure I would be a little more nervous and stressed. Maybe she was, but it sure didn't seem like it. My uncle married the couple and I will admit that I got a little choked up while he was talking.

My sister, L, and brother-in-law, S, and I stayed with my aunt and uncle which was so, so nice. (If you're reading this, thanks again!) Plus, they have a pool. Need I say more? Yes, actually. They also have a grapefruit tree and grape vines in their backyard. Um, fresh fruit. Very fresh and delicious. Also, I tried fresh figs for the first time and I liked them.

2. I got to take some vacation. L, S, and I also drove to Yosemite which is very near my aunt and uncle. That was fun. I'll post a couple of pictures. They have big trees there. Your arms will not reach around them.

3. I broke another barrier--the West barrier. I had never been further west than the Rockies. Bam! Now I've been as far west as California, as far north as Wisconsin, as far east as New Hampshire, and as far south as Louisiana. Not like that means I'm ready to stop traveling around or something silly like that.

Fresh grapefruit!

Chocolately pretzels! Delicious punch! Pretty colors!

I try not to post pictures with other people in them since I don't know how they feel about having their face plastered on my site.

Big tree, incandescent face.

Glacier Point and tourists. I thought they added some nice color.

Now, this should be an additional post, in a week or so but after what happened with the California post, I'd best make this a two-fer while I have the pictures with me. Otherwise, I would update after my next trip...of which I have none planned so it could be a looooonnng while.

A friend invited me to share a hotel room with her and her mom and sister in New York City for a few days. Naturally, I jumped at the chance. Besides being amazingly fun, it would fulfill a semi-secret desire I have long had to visit my personal "Big Four". No, not Chelsea, Liverpool, Arsenal, and Manchester United, silly. I don't even like Man U! My Big Four are New York, Paris, London, and Rome. Now I've done it! I've hit the Big Four! Though I'm hardly satisfied, traveling-wise.

Look at those jazz hands. Broadway is in my blood.

Thanks for sticking with me!

That's weird, in context or not.

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 20:35:24 GMT

Here is a little compilation of conversation fragments I have had or overheard recently. I might add to it if I hear more.

"You can use it as a noun, verb, adjective, whatever. 'Turkey Wrap, that's a great coat!' 'That is incredibly Turkey Wrap.'"

"Spelunk you! I will not be googled!"

"Do you have a needle and thread? Because I'm googled."

"Don't worry; if that guy tried to google you I would have spelunked him up."

"It's amazing how many meanings 'You're googley' can have just by changing your inflection."

"I think because of the sound and actual meaning of 'spelunk', you might as well just say the actual word. Everyone's going to jump to that anyway."

"In your musical could I be the person in the other car while you and C harmonize on *Bring iiittt!*?

"I would be the chairperson because then I could b****slap E."

"Why are these in here?" "Oh, those are my blue balls. It's a long story."

"Yes! Cute men and kittens! Cute men who love kittens!"

"Ha! I don't roll up the ball of food for him! It's for me! Me!"

Have you heard or participated in a strange conversation lately?