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| While waiting at a red light one afternoon a group of shirtless male joggers ran past. I only gave them marginal attention because 1. to do anything else would have been inappropriate and 2. I was driving after all. Keep your eyes on the road, anyone? Anyway, the light turned green and the car ahead of me sat there. And sat there. She was clearly keeping her eyes on the runners, not the road. I started to give a friendly little honk to bring her back to reality but then I realized my situation. If I honked, everyone around me would most likely assume I was honking at the runners (embarrassing). If I didn't honk, I could very well find myself sitting through another red light (annoying). What could I do? Fortunately for me the drooling driver ahead of me finally put the pedal down--probably so she could chase the runners. | | |
| A couple of weeks ago I went with some friends to see The International. Clive Owen starred so we didn't think we could go wrong and we didn't: he rocked, the movie sucked. However, for all of 45 seconds the Calvini brothers were onscreen and we overwhelmingly agreed that they should have had a much, much bigger part. Well-dressed, wealthy, powerful Italian men. What's not to love? Below is a synopsis of our collaborative effort on a re-write of The International. If it is not Oscar-worthy, I don't know what is. Salinger and Whitman are quicker to connect the dots, bringing them to Italy within the first 3 minutes of the film. Umberto Calvini is immediately assassinated. Cut to Enzo and Mario Calvini, angry and vengeful. Movie continues but with perpetual inset of the Calvini brothers, drinking Chianti, smoking, and plotting revenge. In Armani suits. Movie ends nearly like current version but with Clive Owen's character, Louis Salinger, forming a partnership with Enzo and Mario for The International 2: Rise of the Calvini Brothers. Does that sound good? Would you watch it? I would watch it. | | |
| On the radio a listener relayed something she overheard on Valentine's Day. I just have to post it here. At Wal-Mart there was a noisy teenaged girl and her pack behind a man buying flowers. One of the girls said in a voice meant to carry, "What kind of man buys three ******* roses from Wal-Mart for a woman on Valentine's Day?" The man turned around and said, "The kind of man who has three daughters. The kind of man who gives each of his daughters a single red rose on Valentine's Day. The kind of man whose wife is dead. The kind of man whose wife always gave each daughter a single red rose on Valentine's Day. The kind of man who has made certain that his daughters have received a red rose from their mother on Valentine's Day every year. Now what do you think of my three ******* roses from Wal-Mart?" The looks on those girls' faces must have been priceless. | | |
| Most of my strange dreams leave me uneasy or unhappy when I wake up. Last night I had a strange dream and today I am just bemused. Naturally, I don't remember how it all got started but the dream really solidified as I was walking in from the side door of the sanctuary to get married (not down the aisle). It was at my home church with the old carpet from when I was a kid. The groom was wearing a tuxedo but that's all I could pick up and we started chatting companionably as we walked to the center. Suddenly, I remembered that I hadn't been at the rehearsal, hadn't actually planned the wedding myself, and had no idea what I was supposed to be doing or what was going to happen. Luckily, the groom had been at the rehearsal and told me to do whatever he did. Good thing he knew what was going on because whoever planned this wedding was going all out and was not overly interested in any traditions I am aware of. We knelt on the prayer bench which was sideways, facing neither the congregation nor the altar. Next, a choir filed in and sat down. By now I was realizing that my dress was a couple of things. 1. At least 6 sizes too big and 2. Totally 80s. It had massive, poofy lamb chop sleeves that were so heavy I was struggling to keep them from falling off my shoulders, leaving me a little more exposed than I wanted to be. Additionally, since I did not know what my dress looked like, I had not worn undergarments appropriate for a dress as open-backed as this one was. Meanwhile, someone whipped up some tortillas full of bananas, maple syrup, and maybe some nuts. Yes, I've never heard of that, either, and hadn't in the dream. But the groom and I were supposed to eat those. He finally stood up, leaned against the piano and munched away but I was struggling with my sleeves and couldn't stand up so I stayed where I was. Apparently, everyone got tired of waiting for me to finish because they just moved on to the next part of the ceremony--a term which I am using quite loosely. The choir began their number and suddenly it was like a musical! People in white dresses and choir robes were singing and dancing all around me! It was marvelous! I grinned around my banana tortilla. The audience seemed to like it, too, and I was really impressed with whoever the wedding planner was, absurd dress notwithstanding. Next, a group of girls from my dormitory in college came down the aisle in pink and blue dresses singing a song I knew in the dream but not now that I'm awake. I finally finished my banana tortilla and when my friends got to the front, the show was over and we all chatted for awhile. After that, things got really hectic and I was rushing in and out of the church and a convenience store looking for someone. Every time I went into the convenience store, everyone would shout, "Look! She's in a wedding dress!" and I would get embarrassed that I was in a convenience store on my wedding day. And that was it. Any Josephs in the audience? | | |
| I think you will find these funny, regardless of your sports preferences (or lack of). On another blog, there was a recent debate about whether videos counted as new posts. I didn't say at the time but I guess this is my answer, ha. Anyway, let me know if I am woefully wrong and you find them boring or stupid. I am curious and not easily offended. This is the sort of post that happens when I wait for photos to upload. The fruits of my browsing. This pokes fun at some players' accents: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iwcUeFkFEI Chelsea players put on the spot, haha, some of them get so flustered: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGk-x4kt47w This is why I love soccer. One minute it's called The Beautiful Game and the next, well .... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt4X7zFfv4k http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNTQZCm07LI And a little politics ... sort of: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HplZ_taHXLM | | |
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